Joyriding

When utter realization sets in I know for sure that there still is hope; my life isn't over because I suck at finances, I'm not dying of cancer regarding every headache I've ever had and maybe, just maybe it is a little easier for some to love others... regardless of who they are.

My name is Bastian. I live like a new age nomad. Stealing from the rich and keeping for myself. I hate who I am and hope I die soon. No this isn't dramatic, and no, I'm not suicidal and as much as I wish I had magic powers to fix all my problems. That never seems to work. I just feel like life would be better for everyone else if they only had to miss me one more time

I don't know how many hours I've spent writing about wizards, magic and star-sailors. Fantastical stories about their lives. Moralistic stories that touch you like a good piece of jazz during a late night cruise through the city. I am a writer, or so I have been told. But if that's how its goes I am also a chameleon, a thief, gay and a journeyer. Which have all been true. I have friends. I only have a few though, that I could say really trust me, Only a few though. Burned the rest of the bridges. Some purposely some... not so much. Growing up my own parents didn't even trust me and then my sister followed suit. Do you know what it feels like to loose that luxury? To find out your support has left you to fall in on yourself, rolling over and over in your own web of lies, sucking life from those around you just to feel some sense of worth. A pitiful black hole.

So I left. It's been a while. I've seen the world and nothing compares to the life I used to have before I lost everything. It's not like I killed anybody. I did have a family, I wasn't just immaculately conceived. But I hurt them all; I shit all over their trust and gave it back. It would have seemed that I just didn't want their help. Not true. Most of what I do I have no control over. Which is why I had to leave. Nobody believed me. Nobody would help me. So to stop. I left and hurt them one last time.

When I say I have no control what I mean is shut the fuck up and pay attention cause this is confusing. I have no conscience. You think this sounds weird? Just wait... I have two personalities. Not I am not psycho. Just different, like I was supposed to be twins but never split. This person right now. I am the left part of our brain. I am the writer, lover, artist and dreamer. I am the stability or the idea of stability in our head. my other half... he's everything else. The way we work, well to put it plainly which ever side of our brain has to be used for whatever functions we are focusing on that's who deals with it essentially. Then from there it's decided whichever of us has more emotion of I guess whichever side of our brain is firing more synapses, that's who gets control of the body. We are a writer because I am more passionate about writing than any job my other half could find. He doesn't complain because he gets to use my money, and I make good money.

money isn't everything but he likes to spend it