I'm just your average guy. Really I have ambitions and dreams and a life to lead by someone Else's standards. Getting by in 2011 is easy you get a job or hold onto the one you have with fear and then you excel in every area in the store or business you work in, at least that's what I did. Denton, Tx. lovely place really. Kind of place that even when you are used to it you hate it. you love it but are constantly run over with boredom. There is nothing to do here besides work unless you go to the university. When i moved out here was the last time i left my parents house, the last time i would have to say good bye from the threshold of that familiar door in good spirits, parents crying and dad with his advice. my sister and her husband who finally approves of me. my nan who will love me forever and my mom... still crying but now with a flip of her hair she looks strong and confident again. she;s really okay and actually happy for me because she knows her son and knows he will be safe and responsible.
That's a bunch of bullshit... That... never happened.
two and a half years ago i was living on whomevers couch i would be allowed on. i was persona non grata at my parents place. you know if you fuck someone over too many times they begin to see that pattern. I'm persistent though. always begging for their attention, shadowed earlier in life by my sister. a true original is what i think of her. sometimes i think shes better off with her reputation in tack. people think shes stupid or ignorant and she plays that part but i know better. shes a better person than anyone really knows. A real bitch. Later though once she had grand kids to pass around at the dinner table she felt it. what i felt most of my life. only now she set with a smart husband and financial stability enough to smack even the daring-est of people to try and sweep their happiness away. He's a jerk. At least when I was teenager he was, now our relationship at best could pass as an allowance of presence depending on how many drinks either of us has had.
my parents. god love them! growing up my mom would tell my sister and i any time we had a headache the it was cancer. We'd scream and run around laughing headaches gone and lovable mom just amused. i used to think, alone in my room, about how to surprise them with gifts and parties. the feminine influence in my life as a child was brimming. barbies and dress up, those were my games. i even remember the first time i fooled around with my best friend. the boy down the street. my mom caught us in the bathroom we we're terrified that we had be caught having sex at age 8. immediately this boy was sent home and my epic tragedy of a lifetime of one night stands and failed relationships began.
.............................................................
But all of this goody good stuff with myfamily would end once i was in my teens. at fifteen as a favor to a friend whom to this day i feel our friendship started out as me befriending him, kind, to say the least..., none of the other youth group members at our church liked him and i barely fit in, he had an extremely overdone terrible acted crush on mysister and she hated him. I loved my sister and watned nothing to harm her therefore he was now my friend. I gave him what he wanted and he left my sister alone. but as we grew our relationship became more of a blackmale. my sister was still getting her protection but now, after many unhappy years together; five really, ( a long time in adolescent years, you know, when dramatic events suddenlyl bring about the end of the world. that kinda thing. ) Kyle didn't want to give me up... at all.
When my family moved to rowlett i wanted to start over. I know, at age 10 what would you have to be starting over from. but elementary was rough. i never wanted to go to school. jimmy keller, the school bully and my darkest crush. (i think he knew and just didnt understand.) i guess neither did i really. i tried to dodge him every day and then each year but every time i walked throught the doors at Vial Elementary I wanted to die. Sometimes i have deams where i am on the playground and there is nobody else, until i notice the man at the far end of the yard. not really a man just a presence, a scribbled shadow, projected to haunt me throughout any elementary school memory. Or the "im in a three story house being whipped around by a tornadoe in the school parkin lot." I never understood that one.
moving away from that school and to a new town really fucked shit up. i could have been okay with letting the bullies i know continue their pushing and shoving but I got a new school and even bigger bullies just one town away instead.
I had already said goodbye to my very first, i guess you'd call him a boyfriend, but none the less leaving him was hard. But with all the drama set in stone from our past moving seemed easier. i was had already wished that we had never been caught in the bathroom and sometimes that we'd never met, but this was my chance to start over.
The one thing I remember about that place is the last time that i was supposed to spend the night at brian's house. living right down the street our parents were only slightly worried when we weren't home. Before the sun had even set and right when we were getting ready to go to his house my sister walks in to find us actually playing cops and robbers or something stupid. The only time we actually weren't doing anything.
we both start after her as she runs through the house and out to the front yard where our mom's are standing, screaming, "they're doing it again" I just stand there and take it. By this time, i'm used to it; nobody would believe me anyway.
so when we moved I really thought, really believed things would be different. An they were for a while. I blended in enough to not get into any fights and only got picked on at the bus stop where my sister would fend the guys off for me.
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